I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
