yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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