fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
