Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
