So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
