she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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