I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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