when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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