Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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