but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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