fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Two words: blizzard sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
