Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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