He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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