Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
