So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
