Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
