so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
