when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
