you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
