at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
