i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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