I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
