Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
