Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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