My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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