he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
