and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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