not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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