did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
