the day after is always just damage control
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
