i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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