I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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