did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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