Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
