why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
