Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
