So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
