i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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