when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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