I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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