I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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