The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
