One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
