my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
