i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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