u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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