I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
