I'm really into asian looking animals
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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