On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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