Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
