He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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