I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
