So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
