I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
