the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
